top of page

Couple's Therapy
How does it work?

A diverse couple sitting on a couch in a therapist's office, engaging in a support

Like other forms of talk therapy, couples therapy aims to relieve people’s distress and improve their functioning in an important sphere of life. But unlike other forms of therapy, there are typically three parties in the room in addition to the psychotherapist. There is each of the partners in the couple, and there is the relationship itself. In a very dynamic high-wire act, the couples therapist impartially balances the needs and interests of all three.

Typically, couples seek therapy because they have conflicting points of view on the same experiences, and one or both partners is highly distressed. It’s not unusual for one partner to want therapy more than the other or feel more hopeful about it.

What happens in couples therapy?

Most couples therapy is conducted conjointly—that is, with both partners present in sessions. Seeing or contacting one member of the couple separately is occasionally warranted but almost invariably done to gain information important to the relationship and with the permission of the other. Sometimes an individual seeks couples counseling as a way to prompt a change in a troubled relationship, most commonly because their partner is unwilling to participate in therapy.

The therapist is likely to ask many questions, including some about each partner’s family of origin and some that challenge an individual’s beliefs or perspective. Couples therapists do not take sides in disputes, but they may call out individual behaviors that contribute to joint problems. Relational science has firmly established that both partners play a role in most couple problems.

Therapy usually aims at bringing partners closer together or ending a partnership intelligently. In the process of resolving dilemmas, partners learn to have compassion for their partner and themselves, learn ways of constructively managing their own negative feelings, and rekindle the feelings that originally attracted them to each other.

​

Between sessions, couples are typically asked to practice at home the insights, behaviors, and problem-solving skills they gain in therapy.

​

A range of approaches for couples in distress

There are a number of approaches to couples therapy that have undergone some degree of empirical testing. They may reflect different theories about relational behavior, but they have one goal—to improve couple functioning and make relationships a source of deep meaning and satisfaction for both partners. Most couples therapists are trained in multiple modalities and flexibly draw on techniques from all of them as needed. These include:

  • The Gottman Method: Developed by psychologists John Gottman—who pioneered ways of measuring interaction processes—and his wife Julie Gottman, therapy emphasizes the outsize power of negative emotion to harm a relationship, the importance of frequent bids for connection or response, the vital need for repairing the damage done by missing those bids, and the value of sharing their inner worlds. Partners learn how to express affection and respect as a means of building closeness and make “love maps'' reflecting their partner’s psychological world.

  • Emotion-Focused Therapy regards the restoration of a distressed couple’s physical and emotional bond as the best lever for change in the relationship. Drawing on attachment theory, the therapist encourages partners to access and express what lies under their anger or alienation. That disclosure of vulnerability becomes a powerful means for stirring the responsiveness of a partner. With contact restored, couples have a renewable source of mutual comfort, allowing them to jointly solve whatever problems they face.

  • Imago Relationship Therapy has as its theme “getting the love you want.” Its goal is to enable partners to fulfill the ideal of love they developed early in life through attachment to caregivers. Partners take turns listening and speaking; repeating or mirroring what the other says to demonstrate understanding; validating their partner’s perspective; and tapping into their feelings.

​

This article is authored by Hara Estroff Marano from the Psychology Today Blog. Read the full article here,

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/therapy/how-does-couples-therapy-work

​

​

CONTACT US

7150 E Camelback Rd Suite 444

Scottsdale, AZ 85251

480-771-8246

newvisionscheduler@gmail.com

Thanks for submitting!

  • Call us in Scottsdale
  • Email us in Scottsdale
  • Facebook Scottsdale Therapy

Click the purple chat icon to check your
insurance coverage & be connected to 

our office manager

bottom of page